Meraki Healing Center, PLLC

do you know how hard this was?! i decided i wanted to make a playlist that represented this last year of my life, and i had to make so many ‘rules’ for myself in order to keep this playlist contained. i had like 46 songs that were “absolute musts”. but i decided it’d be 29 songs, for the 29 years i’ve spent circling the sun. then to help narrow it down more, i decided i’d only do one song per artist – that took a handful out of the mix. finally, cuz i couldn’t figure out another way, i decided only songs that were released in 2021 or 2022 were allowed. PHEWWW was that hard. i couldn’t get it down from 30, though, so here you have it – the playlist of songs that hold visceral memories, in both my mind and my body, from this past year of life, explained; plus one for good luck!

1. Heavy Love – The Talbott Brothers

i see through your walls, you look past my flaws / naked & unashamed of every sin & every stain / cuz broken becomes beautiful in [your / my / our] eyes.

ok, let’s just get this out of the way & start this post off as honest as we can: this was my most played song of the year, according to my Spotify Wrapped. this song holds A L O T. love, longing, vulnerability, grief. i feel the deep feelings listening to it now, reminiscing on all the storylines that have transpired since. if you told me in February when I first heard this song (it was released as a single ahead of their album Letters) that a few months later a close friendship would form with this band whose music i’m obsessed with, i would’ve LOL’d in your face. but to be fair, it has since made its way onto most of my playlists (including almost all the ones spotify made for me), and thus i’m not surprised it’s my most played song. i could put many of their songs on this list, btw: Burned, Villain, Shelter, Things Change – these just from the recent album. too many from before 2021 that are most-played songs for me. PS def go check out their cover of Taylor Swift’s anti-hero, it’s fire.

Long Time – Wild Rivers

so if you’re asking how i’ve been / i’m gonna have to lie

this was a close tie with ‘Safe Flight’, both from their album Sidelines. But I played this song far more times, so it won. all the feels are in this song. At their concert, Khalid shared how it was getting an unexpected call from his ex that made him realize he was not over her the way he thought. When I listen to this, though, it represents more than just romantic love ending. it’s the idea of longing to be somewhere that you’re not, or trying to figure out how to get to a place that you want to be.

Other Side – Morgan Wade

baby we ain’t nothin but rollin stones / being a gypsy ain’t so bad when you’re with me, cuz i never have to be alone / you’ve seen the parts of me that the world says i should hide / but even in the dark, you love my bitter heart, and we’ll make it to the other side

every. single. Morgan. Wade. song. on. this. album. seriously, she was a staple of 2022, i played Reckless through cover to cover countless times. this is on the list cuz i remember the exact moment i heard the lyrics a certain way, and the thoughts that came to mind, and that memory is somatically stored now. it’s since made me think about the depth of power that exists in the safety of a deep bond, built only through fully leaning into vulnerability with and radical acceptance of another person.

Yours in the Morning – Patrick Droney

dancing on the floor while the city sleeps / moving to the music of our opening scene … the point i’m trying to make / is the time that’s upon us / is all that we’re promised

okay, another “every single song”, but this time it’s any that PDroney has ever sung, ever. i wasn’t kidding when i said his next album is hands down the most highly anticipated album that i needed to be here yesterday. i love the story he tells in this song – the fragility of life, the beauty and importance of being in the present moment, and just wanting to be with the person who makes it all worth it.

Growing Old Young – Tenille Arts

we just sweep it under the rug / never talk about it at all / we just leave it all messed up / add another brick to the wall

woof, this song. i sobbed when i heard it the first time, lol, i was on my road-trip, and i think i played it over and over again because i couldn’t get the story line out of my head. every time i hear it, i viscerally feel the sigh after she sings, “growing old ain’t a choice but sometimes, growing up ain’t either; when you get cut that young time’s the only healer” (sigh). followed by the silver lining of it. it was an honoring, and a release, of a lot of grief for little me.

Girl On Fire – Kameron Marlowe

you might’ve tried settlin’ down / but you can’t be what you’re not though / you were born to burn just a little out of control / trust me, I know

guess what i’m gonna say? this whole album! god damn, We Were Cowboys, it is so good. i remember saying this would be the song of the summer when it came out – i know it’ll be the 2022 version of what ‘Chasin’ You’ is to 2018 for me. and i’ll always think about the wanderlust soul in me being awakened, deeply considering Colorado or the coast (before knowing i’d be back in Boston), when he sings those lyrics.

Control – Bre Kennedy

If I lose control / tell me, who the hell is gonna do it all if I don’t?

Think this was the first song of Bre Kennedy’s that I heard this year, and all the rest of her songs have become staples since. Another example of a song that’s on this list because of the visceral memory I have of the moment I heard that line above and felt it resonate through my bones. i feel a soul connection to this woman, like we’re cut from the same cloth, “needing a bandaid for this wild mind, so with one more drink we’ll be just fine”. Side note, her EP just came out today (12/16), enjoy!

Freedom – Jordan Hart

sometimes what’s in my mind doesn’t show on my face though / I want to fortify without fossilizing / redefine all the people I’ve been / breathe inside each moment I’m in / and walk into a new horizon

This was another road-trip song, and I connected to the main chorus, “I’m trying to find my freedom”, before I even appreciated the lyrics in the rest of the verses. I feel it parallels a lot of the self-discovery I was experiencing this year, and the search for staying in the now, now, now still feels relevant.

All Will Be Well – Blue Water Highway

I’ve been low / The kind of hurt you feel down in your bones / And how you come to bear it / Only Heaven knows

simply put, this song took on a whole new meaning after the first few days of the road-trip when shit hit the fan. this was the anthem! The story arch of being able to hold onto the good even when it feels like it’s all bad – that need to find a balanced view of reality – that is probably why it still holds a special place.

Take A Walk – Judah & the Lion

round and round we go / we were gonna save the world / we can’t even save ourselves / let’s go take a walk downtown / and act like we’re the heroes that we dreamed we’d be when we were young

i already loved this song, and hearing it live, with the band’s commentary, made it even more of a favorite. this song represents that reality check, that shock, when you ‘grow up’ and realize that the world is just a fucked up place, there’s so much hurt – & no one actually knows what the hell they’re doing – and you look back on that childlike innocence with deep appreciation, and a longing to feel that again.

Part of Me – Noah Gundersen

if you stare too hard at anything / you’ll find the cracks under the paint / the fault lines and the blemishes / on every statue of a saint / so please don’t look too hard at me, my love / and I won’t look too hard at you

i read something this year where someone was trying to describe noah’s success, and the depth and breadth of his talent and reach, but was struggling cuz he’s such an enigma. i can’t remember where and i can’t find it and i’m pissed, cuz i think about this all the time. he is a prolific singer-songwriter. i chose this song from this album, A Pillar of Salt, because i remember the instant connection and appreciation i felt with the significance of the lyrics – of every single line of the lyrics – and it’s been on repeat often. I had his song ‘Bad Desire’ on this playlist, but it broke my “from 2021-2022” rule which is a travesty cuz it stirs something deep in me. and now i’m playing it.

If You Love Her (feat. Meghan Trainor) – Forest Blakk

she loves love notes and babies and likes giving gifts / has a hard time accepting a good compliment / she loves her whole family and all of her friends / so if you’re the one she lets in / take it

oh, this sweet, sweet song. someone introduced me to this version this year and it’s probably why it’s on this playlist – otherwise it feels more like a 2020-2021 song in the journey of my life. a few memories play across the movie screen of my brain when i hear this song, and it’s a very bittersweet experience. this song stays on the list, though, for many reasons.

One Life – James Bay

sometimes i get sad at the front, at the back / in the middle of the happiest moments / cuz good things can go bad easily / so i don’t wanna slow down / wanna jump, wanna fly, wanna fall, i wanna hit the ground running / do you wanna marry me?

if i hadn’t gone to his concert, i wonder if this would still be on the playlist (tossup between this and ‘Give Me the Reason’) – i think yes. but let me tell ya, hearing James Bay live in the way that i did was an experience that is now permanently imprinted on my soul: he played an unforeseen acoustic set, just him & his guitar, and it was raw and beautiful and powerful. i see it and hear it & feel this memory everytime i hear his songs. do yourself a favor and check out his album, Leap, if you haven’t already.

Sword from the Stone – Passenger

i hope you’re staying strong / cuz i’m fine and then i’m not / i’m spinning round and i can’t stop / i can’t do this alone / time flies then it’s so slow / i’m up and down like a yo-yo / i can’t do it on my own / and i’ve tried and i can’t pull the sword from the stone.

this song – i am definitely driving on Squaw Valley Rd in Tahoe in the memory that comes alive when i hear it. as i pull the lyrics apart more and more, i’m understanding the reason for that differently now, which is a wild experience (also, can we appreciate that this album is called Songs for the Drunk and Broken Hearted…) but the deep melancholy in the song is real. an ache of longing – a desperation – for what (who) is lost, but also a simultaneous surrendering, a leaning into the vulnerability, and the juxtaposition this creates is powerful. i love this song. ‘Bird in Flight’, from their 2022 album Birds That Flew and Ships That Sailed, was a close 2nd for the playlist.

Simple Things – Teddy Swims

it’s the sound of the rain coming down when you fall asleep / it’s a call from a friend that you love, but never get to see / all the time you can waste tryna chase what you’ll never need / hope you get back around to simple things

an oldie (ish) but damn goodie. The epitome of appreciating the simple things. i also appreciate something different every time i listen to it, which is one of my favorite things about damn good songs. i am tempted to pull out every verse, especially when one of those very lines rings true: “lately i’ve been asking myself, ‘what’s enough?’”

‘Til You Can’t – Cody Johnson

if you got a chance, take it / take it while you got a chance / if you got a dream chase it / cuz your dream won’t chase you back

this was one of my most played songs – in the grand scheme of 2022 music, it’s one of few country songs on that repeat list. clearly there’s a theme to my songs this year: this emphasis on living in the moment, taking a chance on the things in front of you when you can, ‘cuz tomorrow may not show’, and i’m leaning into that!

Happy First – Shelby Darrall

i know you all too well / and i can tell that you’re happier / i just wanted to be happy first

Shelby opened for Restless Road and I was introduced to her music and I LOVE HER. this song got stuck in my head for sure. the rest of her songs on Entertainment For The Brokenhearted are equally as good. Her cover of Morgan Wallen’s ‘Wasted On You’ is worth a concert ticket alone.

Arizona – Josh Kerr

slow dancing, you were singing it, i was leaning in / when i told you for the first time / do you remember arizona? / did you do the things that you wanted to?

this was a surprising one for me, but i couldn’t get myself to take it off the playlist. it’s nostalgia wrapped in a song. however, maybe it’s on here cuz subconsciously the band ARIZONA’s song, ‘Nostalgic’, was on the original list but it got cut – the irony is not lost on me. i do love this song, though.

Cotton Candy Armor – Mattias Tell

i was picking up the pieces of yesteryear’s life / in over my head trying to figure out / i was going through changes but where to begin / when a mountain-moving revelation came marching in.

i didn’t listen to this song for a while after my sister sent it to me because i thought it was a joke based on the title. but sheeeesh, this is a good one. i could put every single verse down as the quote that stands out to me the most. this guy, he is struggling, at rock bottom, and knows it. and then the second half is the upward climb, out of the place of darkness. there is hope, there is love, and i need more from Mattias Tell asap.

Weird Goodbyes (feat. Bon Iver) – The National

it finally hits me, a mile’s drive / the sky is leakin, my windshield’s cryin / i’m feelin sacred, my soul is stripped / radio’s painful, the words are clipped / the grief it gets me, the weird goodbyes

this song just destroys me, really. how can you not be pulled into your feels when you listen. i put myself in the shoes of this person, and my heart aches something deep. Matt’s words describe it best: it’s a song about “letting go of the past and moving on, then later being overwhelmed by second thoughts”. if this song came out earlier in the year, it’d be fighting for most-played-song position.

Tougher Than The Rest – NIGHT TRAVELER

it ain’t no secret / i’ve been around a time or two / well i don’t know baby / maybe you’ve been around too / well there’s another dance / all you gotta do is say yes

i can’t place where or when this song joined the queue. but i’m a fan of these guys and i LOVE their cover of this Springsteen song.

Something in the Orange – Zach Bryan

your voice only trembles when you try to speak / take me back to us dancing, this wood used to creak / to you, i’m just a man / to me, you’re all i am / where the hell am i supposed to go?

GOD. this song. either i was late to the Zach Bryan fanclub or he really did come out of nowhere as a superstar; regardless i’m big time all aboard. he is a damn powerful storyteller – especially this album, American Heartbreak, it’s full of zingers.

We Deserve To Dream – Xavier Rudd

every wakin’ hour of every wakin’ day / i wake up to the sound of discussions in my brain / i don’t know the answer and i don’t know the truth / and i don’t really know what i been draggin since my youth

oh my heart, I wish I discovered Xavier sooner than this year! It was Dr. Justine’s instagram story, about her new book, and she had a clip of this song. I looked it up and my heart simultaneously crumbled and expanded. I think about every single person who inspires and fuels the work that I do when I hear this song. The highs, the lows, it all helped us grow. We belong here – YOU BELONG HERE – and we deserve to dream.

I Wanna Remember (feat. Carrie Underwood) – NEEDTOBREATHE

The night is clear / all of the stars out in the atmosphere / wishing that they were you and me right here / they’re showing off for us, i don’t wanna forget it

not gonna lie, this wasn’t my “top choice” for NTB song, based on the impact a few of their others have had on me this year, but i really do love this song. i find myself thinking about my night in Moab at Under Canvas when i hear these lyrics. and it was on my top songs list so clearly i really do love it…this playlist needs the more upbeat tempo, too, so i guess this song is gonna have to fulfill that criteria :’) A ton of songs from their older albums, especially Out of Body and HARD LOVE, are on the expanded playlist: ‘Banks’, ‘Who Am I’, ‘LET’S STAY HOME TONIGHT’, & ‘TESTIFY’ win top spots.

Safe – The Brevet

there’s no shame in looking back / but things don’t change / we keep rolling down the tracks / and there’s a storm in every season / and a reason why you’re standing where you’re at

Another new band added to the ‘love’ list this year! The Brevet’s indie alternative rock vibe fit right in with the mood of the spotify playlists. Over and over, ‘when times are uncertain, lay down your burdens’ hit a nerve. As I reflect now, I imagine this being a song I’m singing to my own inner child. yea, that makes me feel some type of way.

Just When I Thought – Jacob Banks

I still believe in us / I still wanna call it love / but I guess this is what we’ve become / and you won’t put down your smoking gun / just when i thought you were ready for me

Phewwww Jacob Banks. this is a fucking powerful song. the passion, the fury, the anger, in both the lyrics and the musical arrangement. Obsessed.

Where Do We Go from Here? (Extended version) – Caleb Hearn

now i’m holding your hand, but it don’t feel the same / and i’m looking at you, but you’re looking away / how did we go from doing anything to be close / to losing everything that we know?

i don’t remember where i heard this, either, but i remember stopping in my tracks at the story. the pain of holding close the memory of what was, up against the spotlight of what it now has become. the rest of his songs are damn good, too, honestly. was a skeptic from the social media-born stardom but i got over that real quick once i listened to his work.

winner. – Nicolle Galyon

and i lost some cred and i lost my head / but i found my voice and and i made my own bed cuz / i was born in a town called Winner / and my name means victory / so you can only imagine all the pressure I put on me

i waited an eternity for this songwriter to release her own album, and it did not disappoint. if you have ever heard some popular country songs, i promise you know her work (‘Tequila’ by Dan + Shay, ‘Automatic’ by Miranda Lambert, ‘Boy’ by Lee Brice, ‘Half of my Hometown’ by Kelsea Ballerini & Kenny Chesney; and there’s also the pop songs, ‘Consequences’ for Camila Cabello, & ‘I quit drinking’ for Lany; among many others!) This collection is a musical memoir, sharing her life story, in album form, titled firstborn. GO! LISTEN!

Kiss Me – Dermot Kennedy

let this night invade my lungs / you’re all i want to breathe / right beside the lake / i burn for you, you burn for me … whatever may come, somewhere deep inside / there’s always this version of you and I / so just kiss me the way that you would if we die tonight

i almost finalized this playlist without dermot on it, and knew i wasn’t focusing on the task at hand well enough. dermot’s uncanny ability to tap into the most vulnerable parts of humanity’s shared experience is not met by many. with his newest album, Sonder, he outdoes himself yet again. I truly couldn’t decide which to add – I am absolutely obsessed with ‘Innocence & Sadness’, and I love the message he shares when he sings ‘Something to Someone’. but this playlist needed more songs with positive, uplifting messages so ‘Kiss Me’ wins from the dermot category 🙂

Whiskey On You – Nate Smith

to hell with the lonely, and the why-don’t-you-want-me / yeah, bartender pour me a farewell round / line ’em up, make ’em strong / tell the band that i need me a drinking song

special love for this song cuz let’s be real, when one of the co-writers performed at an intimate concert at your house, you automatically hold a special place in your heart for all his future work. i didn’t do this intentionally, but this song also feels like a nice ‘sayonara’, being last on the playlist queue, to the lessons gleaned from 2022. the memories were GRAND, the heart was re-inhabited again, and the emotions were FELT, let me tell ya. the paradox of so much this past year was extreme: the joy was profound, but the heavy was heavy. the ability to lean into the hard things was tested, and the knowledge that the healing process is slow for a reason was affirmed. so no, i ain’t gonna cry another tear in this glass, but i am down for the farewell round. make ’em strong.

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we made it! i don’t even care if anyone else is reading, i realized by the end of writing this that it wasn’t for anyone else but me, because creating this was a mindful practice of listening to and honoring what i needed by dropping into my body and feeling from the heart. today, that was by intentionally combing through my eclectic collection of music and picking out the songs that stand out the most for me this year. combining this activity with the blog post simultaneously allowed me to journal and reflect on powerful moments, but not in a “look at all my successes” way, more in a “where was i challenged to feel emotion and how did i grow because of it?” way. best of all, this will now be a time capsule of sorts, and i’m genuinely intrigued to see what future-me has to say about the impact this collection of heart-stomper songs had on where she ends up…so cheers to the adventures and surprises that come next. 2023, whatcha got?